ready to stop f*cking around?
COACHING SERVICES
1:1 Coaching
$70/week + $199 sign up fee
Everyone starts here! Best for beginners or those with a weight loss or performance goal. Arm yourself with the tools you need to be successful at every stage in your journey! Build a solid foundation first and watch your goals come hurtling towards you.
ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY
$35/week + $149 sign up fee
For experienced clients only. Know what to do but just need a kick in the ass? It’s for you. Still want someone to check in with for accountability? It’s for you. Still need a little guidance with macros? It’s for you. It’s like the graduation package from 1:1 coaching!
onE-OFF CONSULT
$219 (includes PDF summary of call)
Know what you’re doing but just need a steer in the right direction? Maybe you have a specific concern or a competition coming up that you want to get right but don’t need full time coaching - this is for you! All done via Zoom at a time that suits you.
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Welcome to the only nutrition newsletter that won’t bore you to death. Expect dark humour, savage truths, and zero bullsh*t—just realistic nutrition, fitness rants, meal prep that doesn’t suck and the occasional messy and chaotic life story. No celery juice cleanses, no toxic positivity—just honest advice, questionable jokes, and a weekly reminder that you can eat carbs and still be a baddie.
